


L'angelo ha Riesumato (The Angel Resurrected)

by Paula K (Homiless)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Developing Relationship, Family, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-09
Updated: 2011-11-09
Packaged: 2017-10-25 21:07:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/274799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Homiless/pseuds/Paula%20K
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aftermath. Dean’s without Sam, but for the first time, he knows he’s not alone. (spoilers for season 4 finale)</p>
            </blockquote>





	L'angelo ha Riesumato (The Angel Resurrected)

Dean sat up, Sam's name on his lips in a shout that filled the quiet darkness.

"Shhh..." came the quiet voice. The voice he knew. Dean searched the shadows for Castiel and, just having woken, couldn't seem to focus enough to find him.

"I'm here," Castiel said, soft as a kiss, from what sounded far away and so close at the same time.

Dean fought the urge to search out the voice and instead let his head fall back to the soft pillow. He raised a tired hand and tried to scrub the sleep out of his eyes. "Cas.... Sam? Where is he? If I'm here, where's my brother?"

The fear was so present in Dean's voice that Castiel couldn't stay away. He moved quickly to sit carefully beside Dean on the bed, reaching for the glass of water he'd placed on the nightstand an hour before.

He slid a hand down Dean's arm and held his hand long enough to place the glass in it. "Drink, Dean. Please,"

Castiel's voice was calm, but Dean knew when the answer came to his question, it wouldn't be what he wanted to hear. Rather than arguing or fighting - because dammit, he was tired of fighting - he decided to just do as Cas asked. Slowly he sat up and sipped from the glass, finally able to meet Cas' gaze.

"You're not going to like this Dean, and I'm sorry to have to tell you, but... Sam.... Dean, Sam chose to stay. He is with Lucifer now."

Dean choked the water up, coughing, rage and betrayal roiling up from within him. What he felt worst of all though was loss. The idea that he'd lost Sam... That all they'd been fighting for was all in vain.

He couldn't take it. The pressure was too heavy. Thrusting the glass back into Cas's hand, he bolted up and out of bed, fumbling, praying he could get to the bathroom in time. Knowing where Dean was headed, Cas turned the lamp on the nightstand on, giving Dean some light. Seeing the door, hand over his mouth, Dean pushed his way inside, dropped to his knees and threw up in the toilet. All his feelings rushed out and were immediately flushed away, leaving him emptier than he'd ever felt. Resting his flushed cheek on his arm, he didn't even try to stop the tears from coming. "Sam...." He couldn't even bring himself to say Sammy. Not now... maybe not ever again. It would make him think that there was a chance to get him back, and that chance was gone now, wasn't it? If Sam was with Lucifer, then... "Dammit. Dammit, Sam..." and the curses were swallowed by tears.

Dean's sobs were gut wrenching. Cas didn't stay away. He couldn't. Stepping into the small space, he grabbed a washcloth and soaked it with cold water, kneeling down beside Dean. He placed the cloth against Dean's forehead and held it there. Knowing Cas was there - so close, Dean moved and lay with his head in Cas' lap. Unsure what to do, Cas held him, stroking his damp hair with his free hand.

He thought about talking... saying a hundred different things, but how? And now was certainly not the time to tell Dean what saving him had cost. Castiel was no longer an angel. He may still be a soldier for God, but he was no longer an angel. His decision had cost him and the price had been condemnation.

Mortality. He'd been cast down and before Castiel had even been able to think about it. He'd reacted. Simplest thing, really. Dean being there when Lucifer arrived was unthinkable. He'd fought harder than ever before, broken free and used whatever he had in him that was left to get them both to safety. He had very little idea how things worked. Sure, he had theories, but mostly, he'd gotten them this far by instinct. Driving Dean's car had been insanely difficult at first, but after a few miles, he seemed to get the hang of it.

He had no idea about things like checking into a hotel, though. He simply pretended to be like Dean. Used his most commanding voice, dropped the credit card onto the counter and here they were.

He figured they'd manage. After all the things Dean had been through, this would be easy. Wouldn't it? Hard to imagine a more awkward start, though. Cas knew that their mission now would be saving the world, and Sam, too, if it were possible. And he wasn't sure it was. Especially now that he and Dean were on somewhat even ground. Before today, he'd at least had some of the answers. Even if he couldn't tell Dean all of it, he still knew the man had a chance to win this war. But that was before Sam changed it all. Now, they’d have to go it alone, the two of them on one side and Sam on the other.

Looking down at Dean and seeing him sound asleep; he knew this was not going to be the way it should start. Gently, he worked his hands under Dean while trying to kneel and not wake him at the same time. He managed it well enough even in the small space, cradling Dean's body to his own and walking him as steadily as possible back to the bed.

Realizing he still has on his trench coat and shoes and everything else, he took it off, laying it over a chair. His suit's rumpled beyond saving and he needed a shower. He hasn’t ever felt that need before; it's an odd thing being human. Checking on Dean, he takes the keys and goes back out to the Impala, opening the trunk. He finds Dean's duffel and brings it inside. He also finds a bag with a few bottled waters in it and something called Fritos. He brings that in, too.

He doesn't like going through Dean's things, but feels he has no choice. He has no clothes. He has nothing at all, really. Looking over at Dean, he thinks he may have one thing, but only time would tell if that were true. Castiel pulled out a tee shirt and a pair of sweat pants, hoping they'd fit well enough. He pulled out Dean's shower kit, too, heading into the bathroom after another check on Dean.

The water felt warm and it was a long time before Cas turned off the taps. He found a spare toothbrush and brushed his teeth for the first time, finding the sensation odd, but pleasurable enough. Stepping into the sweat pants and pulling on the tee shirt, he wonders briefly who Def Leppard is.

He hadn't realized he'd get so tired, but mortality seemed to be wearing him out and quickly. He was hungry, but would wait for Dean to wake up before worrying about it. He suddenly wished he had gotten a room with two beds in it, taking up residence in the chair he'd been sitting on when Dean first woke up. He found an extra blanket in the closet and curled up, letting sleep take him.

 

+--+--+--+--+--+--+

"Cas... Cas... Wake up, man," Dean practically shouted, gently shaking the angel's shoulder.

Startled, Cas blinked and sat up, letting out a low groan as his neck protested movement. "Dean?" he rasped, glancing around the hotel room. "Is something wrong?"

"Other than everything, you mean? Where the hell are we, man?" Dean growled, standing and walking to the hotel window, pulling back the heavy curtain. Bright light filled the room.

"I'm not sure. Sign said Philadelphia. Had to stop - we were almost out of gas." Cas wiped the sleep from the corners of his eyes and stretched, the blanket going askew as he did it. Dean smirked, looking down at Cas' outfit.

"My clothes look pretty good on you," he said quietly, resting his hand on Cas' shoulder. "Weird, but good." Looking around for a second, he saw the other chair, pulled it close to Cas's and sat. Looking into the Castiel's eyes, he licked his lips and then let the questions come. "So what did you do to hold it back? I remember Carver's, man.... Didn’t think you could survive that." Dean's brow was furrowed, as if seeing Castiel in his clothes suddenly frightened him. "I remember trying to save Sam and he wouldn't leave and then... And then there was you, Cas. I thought the archangel would destroy anything in its path..."

Castiel frowned and let his gaze slip away from Dean's, turning instead to the sunlight coming through the window. He couldn't know why there was still sunshine, but somehow it was enough to give him strength to believe not all was lost.

"He didn't destroy me, Dean. Just... changed me." Castiel said in a whisper and then looked back at Dean. "I'm... not an angel anymore, Dean. I'm... just like you now. Just a man."

Dean's mouth opened and then closed again. When he went to speak, his voice was quiet. "Cas... You fell. You fell... for me."

Castiel couldn't help but smile at Dean's bluntness. It was perhaps the thing that he admired most about him.

"Dean... There's nothing I wouldn't do to save you. I just wish I'd listened to you sooner. I should have done right by you - instead of being guided by a false light, you've been guiding me all along. And then at the end, I failed you. I'm so sorry, Dean."

Dean blinked, sure he didn’t understand. He placed his hands on Castiel's knees and held on. "You risked everything for me, Cas. It wasn't for nothing. I got to Sam in time to get him away. He... just wouldn't leave. You've got nothing to be sorry for. The lies... They weren't yours. And I'd never have made it this far without you."

Castiel covered Dean’s hands with his own and squeezed. “I don’t know what is going to happen now, Dean. All of the avenues I had to aid us in fighting Lucifer are blocked. I’m not sure what to do or where to start.”

Dean’s eyes were locked on Castiel’s and for once he wasn’t thinking of Sammy. He was only thinking for himself when he let go of Cas’ hands, reached out and leaned in to wrap his arms around Cas’ shoulders. Pulling him into a hug, Dean rubbed Cas’ back, hoping the gesture’d be reassuring for both of them.

Turning his head, he half whispered into Castiel’s ear. “I know you think that everything about this world is pain and suffering, but… there’s a lot of good things here, too. If we’re lucky, I’ll get a chance to show you a few.” Dean held on for a long time before letting go, blushing with embarrassment after his stomach gave a growl.

“Lucifer’s just gonna have to wait to destroy the world until after we eat. I can’t kick his ass on an empty stomach and neither can you,” he said, sounding a bit more like himself. He walked to his duffel, pulling out clean jeans and a fresh tee shirt.

Castiel smiled, happy at least to see Dean’s confidence and cockiness make it’s appearance. “Not a moment too soon,” he murmured, staring at the man before him.

“What?” Dean asked, pausing to look back at Cas, his expression curious.

“Nothing really. I’m just…always amazed by your resilience. Nothing holds you down. You never give up. It’s why I…” Castiel stopped, his cheeks hot. It was too soon, he told himself. No way could he lay this on Dean now. Not when he had anything to offer. Nothing to give.

Dean was back rummaging through the duffel, as if distracting himself from dealing with the fact that he wanted to know the answer. He stopped, looked up, and locked eyes again with Cas.

“Why you what?” He asked, voice suddenly rough. No way should he have pressed it. Asking why was admitting that maybe there was more between them than Dean was ever gonna be able to deal with, but dammit, he knew if he didn’t ask, it would be just one more thing he’d be shoving down.

Another real thing he’d pretended wasn’t there. Just like he did with his feelings for Sam. Dean had decided that if he loved Sam enough, Sam would do what Dean wanted because it was the right thing. But he never would. Sam wasn’t built that way. He’d never be the brother that Dean had always thought he was meant to be because that wasn’t reality. And Dean didn’t remember when he started realizing it, but he knew that. Knew that his love for Sam would never be enough to save him. Somehow, Dean understood that that was why Castiel was here and Sam wasn’t. Because Sam may love him as a brother and may fight for him and beside him, sure, but he’d always hold his own destiny closer than he would any bond he had with Dean.

Cas watched Dean’s face, mesmerized as usual by the bare emotion playing across those heartbreakingly beautiful features.

“Why I love you,” He replied softly, incapable of lying – even to save Dean’s feelings - about the single thing he owned. His love for Dean had been the sole motivation for everything he’d ever done once they’d met. Every risk he’d ever taken and finally, losing his place in heaven, had been worth it to save Dean, yes, but even more so to love him.

Dean dropped his clothes and walked over to Castiel slowly, never looking away. He tried to speak a few times, but no words came out. They wouldn’t have been right anyway – he almost always fucked things up whenever he started to try and explain anything. Instead, he let his heart tell him what was right. He rarely listened to it, going with what was easiest instead. What felt good at the time. Was easier to seek pleasure in small doses than commit to anything that might lead to even more pain. Had always been easier to say goodbye than it was to stick around. He’d been doing things wrong no matter how good they felt for so long he wasn’t sure if he could ever do things right.

Unless he started right now. Made a vow to risk everything for someone who might actually be worth it.

“I… “ He started, standing in front of Cas, searching the man’s face. “I never….”

“That makes two of us, Dean,” Cas interrupted suddenly, standing up, hands on Dean’s arms. “I won’t lie to you. I know that that’s not much of a consolation, considering our past, but I have no more lies to tell. Only truth. The truth is that I have no experience at all with anything but knowing I love you. Mortals don’t hold sway over us, Dean. Poets say we’re jealous of mortals because of God’s love for you, but I never was. Until I met you. Once I laid eyes on you, everything I’d been working for changed. Every decision I made was to benefit you as much as I possibly could. And if I’d been cast down having lost you, I’d be a lost soul. The only thing keeping me from dissolving in my own misery is knowing that you’ve survived. Nothing is more important to me than that.”

Dean could feel the tears coming and did nothing to stop them. Cas was so close and Dean was suddenly raw again, unable to handle all of what the man was telling him. He never let his gaze fall away while Cas was talking, but now… He didn’t know what he had left to give, but he owed to Cas, whatever it was.

Taking a deep breath, he put his hands on Cas’ shoulders and took another step closer. He had to know if this could happen. If it couldn’t, it had to be because it just wasn’t there. Just because he’d never done this before… Well, that couldn’t be the reason not to. Not with Cas.

Tentatively, Dean lifted his head and pressed forward, eyes wide open as he slanted his mouth over Castiel’s, kissing him softly. He was so ready to pull back and apologize to him. Tell him that he’d tried and it wasn’t there – that spark that, even if miniscule, had to be there in order for Dean to even fathom the possibility.

Instead, Dean felt Cas’s hands come around him, fumbling but finding purchase on his back. Dean leaned into the kiss, deepening it, pulling Cas closer, fingers tangling in his hair and other hand gripping his shoulder. Seemed what Castiel lacked in experience he made up for in spades with intensity. Dean felt the kiss in hi-def, all of his senses in overload as the heat from Castiel’s mouth radiated down his spine, traveled to his knees and then back up to pool in his groin. He took another step, not even caring that there was little room for him to go. He simply had to get closer. Now.

Castiel’s soft moans seemed to penetrate through the haze of tiny shocks Dean felt every time their tongues touched and it took every bit of his will to pull himself away from that mouth. Suddenly feeling very hot and sweaty, Dean and Cas both were panting, leaning on each other just to keep each other upright.

Dean’s eyes – dark with lust, stared into Castiel’s bright blue ones, more surprised than he’d ever been.

“Whoa,” was all he could say, still trying to catch his breath.

Cas’ eyes went wide, confused. “Please tell me that’s a good thing?”

Dean’s smile radiated out from within him. “Oh yeah. Pretty sure it’s a good thing, Cas. But… just to be sure?” he said, tiling his head, clearly thinking this might be one of those ‘best out of three’ situations. He sealed his mouth to Cas’s once again and it was all back. The feeling that his entire body was a live wire. The whole weak in the knees business. All of it came back immediately, as if his whole body knew this was right and was just waiting for Dean’s brain to catch on.

“Oh yeah. Hell yeah,” he said softly, as if it was fact and not him trying to convince himself. Dean stared as Castiel’s smile turned mega-watt and left him breathless and wondering how the hell he’d not realized that the attraction he’d felt all along was more than just awe and admiration. So much more. No kiss left him feeling more complete than this one, and he’d done a lot of studying on this matter. When he kissed Castiel, he felt a part of something he knew he could never walk away from. No kiss and certainly no one had ever been like that before. God knew he hated the word, but he knew it in his bones – this was destiny. If he knew from one kiss that he had something to believe in, he couldn’t even dare to think of what having even more with Cas would mean. He knew he should stop everything and take whatever moments he could with Castiel now that he knew, but… he had more faith that there’d be time for that. Hell, if they made it past breakfast and across country to Bobby’s? They’d have all night. And even now, in the time of the dying, he wouldn’t rush this. Not this. Cas was way too important to rush anything.

“Dean?” Cas’ voice was as soft as a whisper, yet Dean would have heard him from miles away. When Dean came back to him, seeing him, he moved his hand to stroke Castiel’s cheek.

“Destiny, Cas. You told me once about it, but… that’s all changed now. And even though it has, I believe in it more than ever. If all that’s left for us to do is save the world then that’s what we’re gonna do. Might be just us, but somehow I gotta believe that’s all we need.” Dean pressed his lips to Cas’s one more time, shorter but no less sweet.

“So this means….”

Dean looked at Cas and smiled his most confident, cockiest of smiles.

“Means I love you, too. Now let’s go eat, ‘cause we got a lot of road to cover before nightfall. We gotta get to Bobby’s, Cas, and figure out what the hell to do next.”

 

Somehow, Dean found the strength to pull away from the embrace, but he didn’t go far. Just handed Cas some jeans and grabbed his own clothes, getting dressed.

“Might be a little tight, but…” and Cas made a face at Dean’s hubba-hubba eyebrows, clearly not understanding.  
“Trust me, it’s a good thing for one of us,” Dean said, pulling on his boots, forgoing a shower for pancakes.

“Trusting you is easy,” Cas replied, sounding distracted. He was staring at his clothes, seeing them lying on the chair. Take them or leave them, he was thinking. Dean came up behind him, seeing what he was looking at.

“If you don’t want them, just… leave ‘em. We can find you something else you like,” Dean coaxed, not wanting Cas to deal with any more painful reminders - he figured he was enough.

Cas turned, inches away from Dean, and then he initiated the kiss this time, Dean letting him take the lead. Dean was lost in the kiss, never having known before now that anything so normally complicated could be this easy. Moments later, eyes dilated and pulses racing, Cas took Dean’s hand.

“I have everything I need right here,” he said, glancing down at their hands before Dean led them outside to the car.


End file.
